Pilwheat, the Chemist become Cook


Pilwheat is nominally interested in the magic of mixing together basic elements to create new and incredible alloys and chemicals. This was before a few accidents, minor explosions, a few lost assistants and a persistent hacking cough. Now he has all but given up chemistry in favor of grilling, broiling and baking, far safer forms of inquiry. He still maintains that he is doing important magical research and he cooks all of his food in scientific apparatus, but everyone knows he is just being a coward. Still, his food is curiously delicious and when there are enemies at the gates, he is willing to put his mortar and pestle to more militaristic uses. Pilwheat is an enormously tall man with a deep but boring voice.

Gauss the Arithmancer: “I have endlessly explained to Pilwheat that he needs to charge for his services. He could be the richest person in the town if the blundering giant would just take my advice. I would arrange everything and for only a paltry fee. Idiot, leaving favors on the table.”

Flavia the Illuminator: “Pilwheat is a good guy and he keeps us all fed and everybody just loves the bastard. You know who else helps everyone? I’ll give you a hint, if they weren’t here we would all be sitting around in the dark. I swear I am just gonna cut the torches the next time we get attacked at night.”

Garl the Fleshsmith: “Pilwheat makes the BEST roasts! EVERYONE KNOWS THAT! I cook flesh too but DON’T eat it. I wish Pilwheat still made the gases and the bombs. I had MORE FLESH to work with then.”

Ohio Smith: “I wouldn’t call Pilwheat a coward. Maybe he just found things he didn’t want to know more about. If you are going into the tunnels, tell Pilwheat to give you some of Ohio’s Best. He’ll know what you are talking about. Don’t waste it and good luck.”

Pilwheat, the Chemist become Cook

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